A Mellifluous View

Migration

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 21:40:00 +0000

I guess I have to move my blog because blogger isn't going to support ftp. So, my address will change slightly.

http://mmblog.eaglevista.net

Please updates your links and rss feeds.

I'm trying not to be irritated by this...not particularly succeeding...

Ode to a good Office Manager....or....

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 19:19:00 +0000

2-22

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 04:55:00 +0000

2-22 I love you! Please be good to me. :)

missing

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 23:10:00 +0000

I've been amazed in the last 6 months how many things God has found for me. Each time I pray and ask him to help me find something missing, He directs me right to it. When I found Alex's birth certificate in a random box, then it was confirmed again how this finding was not coincidence.

Ok God, now can you help me find my heart?

Uninhibited, Broken, and ready to DANCE!

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 22:36:00 +0000

When I was in Jr. High, going to the school dance was quite an experience. I remember getting ready--being nervous that no one would ask me to dance or that someone WOULD ask me. And I felt worried about getting out on the dance floor during the fast songs. But still I went. Not sure at the time what compelled me. Maybe the crush on had on a cute boy or just my desire not to miss out on something.

One night my friend Tracie brought me out on the dance floor during a fast song and explained to me that I just needed to be confident, move, and enjoy myself. I was nervous at first, but she convinced me to try it. And I was surprised that I was having fun. And I stopped worrying about how I looked or if people thought I was strange.

I enjoyed the dances in high school and the couple I went to in college. But then my natural venue for dancing was gone.

So, why now do I have this great desire to dance?

When I was in China, we had a dance one night. Out in the courtyard, in the heat, we taught our students the Macarena. How that night makes me smile. We danced to a lot of music I knew...including some classic Michael Jackson. And somewhere in the the middle of that, I found that love to dance again: to move, to feel the music, to forget myself.

I remember asking some of the members of my team why they weren't out dancing. "some of us are just not as uninhibited as others" Uninhibited! Wow, I never, ever thought that word would apply to me.

Fast forward to today. One of my favorite Christmas presents was Church Music by the David Crowder*Band. And I've been listening to it a lot. The song Church Music (dance!)

has shed some light on my feelings lately. It's my own brokenness that frees me of the pride that keeps me still. I want to be ready to let go of the "what will people think" mentality. I am broken inside, and I'm not going to pretend I have it all together on the outside. I'm just going to dance!

Present

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 23:27:00 +0000

God has a new job for me. It's been echoing in my heart for months now.

Be present!

Be present in the moment you are in: don't keep checking your phone, don't compose your next status, don't look ahead to a new house or new job or new phase so much.

Be present in the lives of your family: Get off the computer often when they want to play. Focus on what they are saying. Give them eye contact, face time, and let them know that you are really there.

Be present with your friends: let them know you care about them with your words and your attention. Don't get distracted by the other things you need to do and forget to call them, spend time with them, and hear their hearts.

Be present with Me: immerse yourself in My Word, focus while you pray and while you sing worship songs, and don't spend so much time trying to "escape" the life and plans I have for you right now. Enjoy this moment I've given you; it's a present!

A real Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 00:52:00 +0000

Well, Christmas is almost over. We celebrate with my dad and step-mom tomorrow. Then Christmas 2009 will be one for the books. But what kind of book would it be in? It won't be in the book about picture-perfect Christmases or the one about tragic Christmases. It won't be in the one of dysfunctional family Christmases or the one about idyllic Christmases full of great conversations. It was Christmas, it was nice....

I got some good gifts. My favorite was a scarf that my mom bought me that wasn't on my list. I didn't really give people many ideas for gifts...and I got almost everything I asked for. And I even got some money that I can give to Advent Conspiracy (late). I think I only have one thing I need to return.

My cooking had its highs and lows this year. The two types of treats I made did not turn out like I wanted. And I feel like I really didn't contribute to our extended family stuff enough. They don't ask much...but I hope that isn't because they don't really expect much from me. My dinner for our special little family went really well...even the peppery gravy that Alex liked.

But as I sat with Roger on the couch last night and cried--Cried about my own insecurities and struggles--I looked at my tree. And my tree defined this Christmas:

it's real

It's not fake...it's not "perfect" like people who like fake trees tend to think they are.(don't get me started!) It's got a few holes, it's not completely even, it wasn't grown at a tree farm where it was carefully tended by people....it's just right out of the forest real.

I had a real Christmas.

Famous

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 18:27:00 +0000

There is this song "Famous One" by Chris Tomlin. And I admit I sing it, but I've always been troubled by it. (I spose I shouldn't sing it then, but I do.) So, why does this concept bother me? Because currently I see fame as shallow. Shallow and drawing attention to meaningless stuff. People that are famous might be talented or they might just look good. Or maybe neither...maybe their parents are just rich or talented. And when you are famous, people look for ways to make you look bad...which is really just normal a lot of the time...or else they try to make you look angelic...which is really just airbrushing.

And how does any of THAT apply to the God of the Universe?

People use Jesus name often...but they aren't really thinking of Him...they are swearing.

People try to make Jesus or his bride look bad....or angelic... Jesus is ultimate Good. We as his bride might look either on any given day.

God isn't shallow...He cares about the important things. He cares about who people really are.

God made meaningful stuff. Even the smallest thing he created has such amazing depth and beauty.

He is the definition* of famous: widely known; honored for achievement; excellent; first-rate

If only he were honored more!

*definition from Merriam Webster Online

I'm not 18

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:53:00 +0000

I feel younger than I did 10 years ago. I feel more free to be myself and not to try to be perfect. I feel like I connect better with teens than I did when I was in my mid-twenties. I feel excited about who God made me to be even in the middle of being really broken and lost most times. So, this should be exciting.

But I'm not 18. I'm not 22. And somehow I need to convince myself of this. Because to joke about flirting with an 18 year old on facebook...completely in jest...is creepy to people. Yes, it's creepy. On my next birthday I'll be twice 18. And as much as my mind tells me I'm younger than I have been in years...I'm really 35. Is this a mid-life crisis? You realize you are older than you feel. And you are the only one who seems to see that your insides are much younger than your still not old, but not as young 35 year old outsides are?

I'm so glad I have a loving husband and a happy marriage or I can see this leading to all kinds of other creepy places. I'm thankful to feel young...and not be restrained by the uptight years I had in my mid-20s. I'm thankful that I am still excited to work with teens and that they even like hanging out with me. I'm thankful to not be a curmudgeon...and that God is scraping off the dross in my life. So, I'm 35...not 18...but don't tell my heart.

spatula

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 22:02:00 +0000

With the help of some good friends who have listened to me and helped me process, I have let God scrape me off that brick wall and cradle me in His arms. Thanks to you friends for helping me see how much hope I have. And thanks God for helping me connect my feelings of failure from last year and this year. It makes sense now...how I've been feeling.

So right now, I'll try to relax. I don't have to decide what I want to be when I grow up...right now. I don't even have to decide how God is going to use me best. He will do that. I just need to be open and rescind my control over it all. (which is all in my own head anyway) Stop trying to plan everything and do what Jesus said...

Matthew 6:34 Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

who am i?

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 01:54:00 +0000

I think I'm in the midst of a major period of uncertainty in my life. Who am I? What is my purpose? How am I supposed to go on after my adventure in China? And I haven't been entirely sane the past few months. I've expected too much of some people and haven't talked about what's going on inside with my best friends.

And the past few weeks, I've hit a brick wall. I've definitely been in a new place that doesn't feel right. How do you scrape yourself off the wall and keep going?

Class 8

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 20:24:00 +0000

When I was in China, I had a terrific team of teachers to work with and great students. I was amazed at how God put together a great mix of people who I still miss.

My teachers: Suria, Jerry, Evie, and Mike

My TA: Bessie!

My students: Ivy, Gregory, Hilda, Summer, Edward, Tom, Sheila, Kate, Alan, Kevin, Shelly, Ann, Jordan, and Mark

Suria definitely knew her Mandarin, and she was always well prepared to teach. She shared from her heart. Jerry was our comic relief...keeping Mark and Jordan laughing. Evie used her kindness and her limited Mandarin to connect with students. Also the camp nurse, Evie also had lots of joy. Mike had all the girls' attention and a lot of enthusiasm to keep the teaching time light. And of course, I rounded out the group.

Our students did not have a high level of oral English, but as we worked with them, we saw some of their timidity fade and heard their voices. Even though I couldn't communicate with them very well at first, I saw their attachment to us grow. I ate with Sheila often. Ivy and Alan showed their leadership in group games. Ivy especially showed initiative in organizing the students for our field trip to McDonalds. Hilda was an amazing artist. Summer was so sweet...and made me such a special gift--a hundred or so oragami hearts is a special box. Ann won the singing contest that the camp had. All of them had fun as we taught them in non-traditional ways. I prayed for them often...that they might see God's love in us. I keep up with our students now...most of the girls anyway...on QQ which is a cross between IM and Facebook. And I'm connected with my teachers through facebook mainly too.

The time we spent together, sharing God's love and instilling confidence in our students was priceless.

just one week

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 04:55:00 +0000

In just one week, sweet Teddy will be here....from China via South Dakota. I'm so excited I'm trying to plan too much. I need to go with the flow...like my college and high school friends. No need to over-plan like I have to do in my life right now. No need to get crazy frustrated with schedules and such. I will see Teddy...and the rest will just happen.

So many friends...so little time--The TAs

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 05:19:00 +0000

In China we had so many amazing people to get to know: Quality people, people you just want to keep spending time with and laughing with. So, let me tell you about a few of my Chinese friends.

Sunny--sweet tempered, quiet, and loves Jesus. Sunny was a smiling face when I got to share my testimony at "youth group" in the Chinese church. She came to our TA Bible Study and shared her heart and challenges.

Coco--ordered me tea by the river one night...sweet believer and fun to be with. She came to TA Bible study too--it was great to hear her share. Her favorite color is Red. I especially enjoyed her and Bessie arguing about Chengdu food vs. ZiGong food and which was best. Long Chao Shou--capped off one of my most fun memories of the trip.

Fred--the man with the megaphone. Fred translated for me at "youth group", and I was so proud considering I talked about a miscarriage. He got it all across for me. He was our activities man...and I can still hear him yelling "Mr. Fox, Mr. Fox"

Kiko--her smiling face was so terrific to see and she had so much fun hanging with the girls. I especially remember sharing music together on the bus--looking for some songs we could both sing to Jesus.

Barbie--sweet friend who took me shopping when I was too tired to make any sense of money our first day in China. We hung out at the dinosaur museum and lots of other times too. Enjoyed eating at a Western restaurant in a private room just for our group--the Good Wood! Good times.

Teddy--she's a tool...no, really, she is so much fun! She reminded me that others of my friends had been where I was...in China loving students (and TAs). Teddy has such a warm, vibrant personality and her use of slang gives me so many smiles! Golden friendship! Since Teddy is in the States now for school, we got to talk about some of those important things a girl needs to know when she moves across the world. Praying I get to see her soon!

There were more TAs...and I got to know them here and there. I wish I had more to tell you about each of them...I'm sure I missed some special moments we shared. I love how God brings people into your life, and I pray that I see them again!

Bessie

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 15:35:00 +0000

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know the main reason I went to China. I don't take that lightly because for many of my friends, it is not as clear. I went to China to tell Bessie that God loves her.

I love Bessie so much that I can't describe it. From the moment I knew she was going to be my teaching assistant, I just wanted to be with her. I'm not sure how to describe this...it was just instantaneous! Even the first night, as we walked together toward the Sichuan cultural center, I just wanted to be with her. Someone else spirited her away...and I still had a great time that night...but over the course of the next two weeks being with Bessie was my priority.

Bessie did not grow up with any belief system or religion. And as I learned from our camp director, believing in God is even more difficult for the Chinese than believing in Jesus...generally. But Bessie was interested. I didn't preach to her...but she did go to Bible study with me. I loved her! I loved her whenever I could. And she loved me. This connection was not just natural, but supernatural.

In the end, she said I was like an older sister to her. And there was no higher compliment for me. Just thinking that I may not get hold her hand again makes me cry. God made such an amazing special person in Bessie. I'm counting on HIM to make sure I get to hold her hand on the other side!

Things I learned or relearned in China

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 01:35:00 +0000

God can bond you to someone instantaneously!
Sharing your story can touch hearts even across cultures.
Sometimes doing what you're "supposed to" isn't what you should do.
Being flexible is easier when you have friends with you!
God can still kick your rear-end even in the middle of a church service you do not understand.
Emotions happen; controlling what they lead to is important.
God uses people despite their faults, issues, frustrations and even their strengths.
God is willing to answer even the smallest prayers especially when He gets the glory.
Relax and be who you are; people will love you anyway.

God answers prayer...in funny ways sometimes

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 00:36:00 +0000

Every morning in Zi Gong, a rooster started crowing about 4:30 am. Sometimes I could sleep through it, but most of the time, it woke me up for at least a few minutes. For a while I used this as a reminder to pray, but as time went on, and my lack of sleep increased I prayed,

Lord, please make that rooster my dinner!

We often had meat that could have been chicken (or duck or rabbit)
And a day or two later....no rooster. Hooray!

The next day, a dog started barking at 4:30 am.

*sigh*

I found myself in China

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 00:29:00 +0000

Somewhere in the middle of being a stay-at-home mom, caring for my husband and children, and life happening, I lost a few pieces of myself. I thought maybe I was maturing, but what I found is that I had pushed down those pieces in order to focus on the life stage at hand.

Then I went to China.

And somewhere in Zi Gong, I found Melissa. She loves to laugh and hang out. She loves to work hard at relationships with students, believers and not. I found a person who doesn't worry as much about what people think---she sings songs to God aloud randomly at dinosaur museums, and she holds hands with a dear girlfriend without considering how that might get taken. She dances the macarena without wondering if she looks foolish because she doesn't care. She was going to have fun, and she could still care for people the way she always seems to...

And she's still broken with wrong motives and wrong attitudes sometimes. She desperately needs her Savior even more than she used to think. She is flexible, and even when she complains she jumps in to get it done. She gets jealous and worries still a little...but it was good to see her.

So the question becomes--what parts of her can translate from Mandarin to English? How can those parts be woven back into the life of mom and wife and homemaker? That's my question for God right now. What do I do now to be all of who He made me to be?

Heading out

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 06:24:00 +0000

I'm heading out in a few hours. I'm in denial...I don't think it has hit me yet that I'm actually going to China. Wow!

One of the crazy things about being gone is that I am not often gone. I am a firm believer in being committed to things, so I'm rarely not the normal places. I go to church even when its not convenient. I wish I did that for the best reasons, but I think a lot of my reason is I hate to miss out.

This next few weeks I'll miss a pool party, Water World, Gramma day, 2:12, MNF and Tim's first Sunday as our new youth pastor, elevation, Colorado Day, marriage matters, and my husband's 20 year reunion. And I hate to miss stuff. I hate to not be there for the inside joke. I worry that I'll be gone and no one will notice. I'm afraid of being forgotten.

And as my friend said, "its only 17 days" And that's what I need to think. Its not that long...only 17 days.

Obviously what I miss will be made up for in obeying God and seeing Him use me in miraculous ways that are totally beyond me. I'm so very excited! But really, I'm still in denial.

the more tired I get...the more emotional...so I'm signing off for now! TTL

Relief

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:55:00 +0000

God kicked my butt....gave me perspective and forgiveness and love. It was good to see Him answer quickly and in good time for me to resolve my differences with a friend. I love how He answers prayer when we call out for help.

Anger

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 03:51:00 +0000

I don't feel that I am easily angered. Maybe my kids would say differently, but anger that lasts more than a couple of minutes is pretty foreign to me. So now that I'm feeling it, I am not sure how to deal with it.

Well, that's not exactly true, now is it? I know I need to forgive.

But the emotion, though it has subsided, is still strong enough to make me question how to deal with it.

I don't want to excuse it away. I don't want to say, "it's okay" and try to go on like it wasn't a big deal.

But really, was it a big deal? It feels like it but, in the grand scheme of things, probably not.

So, why don't I want to let go of my anger? I need to remember LarryBoy and the Angry Eyebrows....Bok Choy says that letting go of my anger will free me. I wonder if I could find that video and watch it tonight?

The road to forgiveness is a hard road. And how I handle it tomorrow is still something I have no vision for. I've planned my words many times, but none of my plans extend forgiveness. So, I have more praying to do...and *deep breath* I know God will help me say what needs to be said...no more and no less.

Reading in Heaven

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Tue, 26 May 2009 15:19:00 +0000

So, I've been reading "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn, and I'm finding it challenging to think about Heaven. I've always assumed that I can't imagine what its like, so I don't try. This book is a paradigm shift for me, so I've been pondering life and after life a lot.

I love to read. I could read for days...I read most of the day yesterday, and I love getting caught up in a story. So, in Heaven...the new heavens and new Earth...what will I read? I love fiction...but how would one write fiction without conflict. Stories tend to require some type of conflict..... man v man, man v nature, man v himself....but in a land without sin, where does one find this? There could be easily poetry there...and biography for we will have our memories of this Earth. But can a mind renewed and without sin conceive of stories with conflict?

Marketing works....

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Sat, 23 May 2009 15:53:00 +0000

So, I have a LOST widget on my page. And those people at ABC are smart....as the Lost season closes, they stuck an ad for another show on the widget. At first I was kind of irritated...this is my LOST widget...but their marketing worked. (The weird part is that this show isn't even on ABC...but it is made by ABC studios)

The show they were advertising was Legend of the Seeker, and the ad was like a 5 minute recap of the season. So, I started watching...and it filled my story void. I may not know how LOST will start next season, but now I have something else to watch.

Legend of the Seeker is based on some books by Terry Goodkind. And I'm already planning a trip to the library to pick up the first book. And I've watched 8 episodes so far this week. So, their little scheme worked. I'm hooked...but the season finale is tonight...so I won't catch up by then. If I had no children, I might try...but then, what would fill my story void?

Only 84 more days til Broncos football!

Depending on Christ

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Tue, 19 May 2009 18:00:00 +0000

As I plan to travel to China this summer, I know that I will be depending on Christ for every second.

I know this because it will be in the 90-100 degree range with 90% humidity. I'm a Colorado girl....I hate humidity. My husband has said he's glad he's not going because he remembers the first day of our honeymoon and how miserably I acted. I will be depending on Christ to NOT complain.

I know this because I will be away from my kids for 17 days. I have never been away from them for more than 2 days. They will be in capable hands--the grandmas and of course their wonderful dad. But the idea that I will not see them for that long will likely be the most difficult thing I've done as a mom.

And I'm laying it down in Jesus lap. I know He'll help me. And following Him is always worth it.

Dear blog

noreply@blogger.com (Mellifluous) — Tue, 19 May 2009 17:55:00 +0000

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you lately. I know you used to enjoy such attention from me, but my new friend Facebook has stolen my affection to some degree. But really, we can all be friends.

I wish I were a writer. I love to write, but I don't do it enough. I am good at writing when I do it, but the drive is not there. This is not to say I won't continue to write. I will work harder to get my thoughts down here...not just in quick status updates.

I love connecting with people most of all....and Facebook just can't have the same depth that you have blog, dear. I'm hoping to be a deeper person, so here's to a summer with more posts.