Migration

I guess I have to move my blog because blogger isn't going to support ftp. So, my address will change slightly.

http://mmblog.eaglevista.net

Please updates your links and rss feeds.

I'm trying not to be irritated by this...not particularly succeeding...

Ode to a good Office Manager....or....

2-22

2-22 I love you! Please be good to me. :)

missing

I've been amazed in the last 6 months how many things God has found for me. Each time I pray and ask him to help me find something missing, He directs me right to it. When I found Alex's birth certificate in a random box, then it was confirmed again how this finding was not coincidence.

Ok God, now can you help me find my heart?

Uninhibited, Broken, and ready to DANCE!

When I was in Jr. High, going to the school dance was quite an experience. I remember getting ready--being nervous that no one would ask me to dance or that someone WOULD ask me. And I felt worried about getting out on the dance floor during the fast songs. But still I went. Not sure at the time what compelled me. Maybe the crush on had on a cute boy or just my desire not to miss out on something.

One night my friend Tracie brought me out on the dance floor during a fast song and explained to me that I just needed to be confident, move, and enjoy myself. I was nervous at first, but she convinced me to try it. And I was surprised that I was having fun. And I stopped worrying about how I looked or if people thought I was strange.

I enjoyed the dances in high school and the couple I went to in college. But then my natural venue for dancing was gone.

So, why now do I have this great desire to dance?

When I was in China, we had a dance one night. Out in the courtyard, in the heat, we taught our students the Macarena. How that night makes me smile. We danced to a lot of music I knew...including some classic Michael Jackson. And somewhere in the the middle of that, I found that love to dance again: to move, to feel the music, to forget myself.

I remember asking some of the members of my team why they weren't out dancing. "some of us are just not as uninhibited as others" Uninhibited! Wow, I never, ever thought that word would apply to me.

Fast forward to today. One of my favorite Christmas presents was Church Music by the David Crowder*Band. And I've been listening to it a lot. The song Church Music (dance!)



has shed some light on my feelings lately. It's my own brokenness that frees me of the pride that keeps me still. I want to be ready to let go of the "what will people think" mentality. I am broken inside, and I'm not going to pretend I have it all together on the outside. I'm just going to dance!

Present

God has a new job for me. It's been echoing in my heart for months now.

Be present!

Be present in the moment you are in: don't keep checking your phone, don't compose your next status, don't look ahead to a new house or new job or new phase so much.

Be present in the lives of your family: Get off the computer often when they want to play. Focus on what they are saying. Give them eye contact, face time, and let them know that you are really there.

Be present with your friends: let them know you care about them with your words and your attention. Don't get distracted by the other things you need to do and forget to call them, spend time with them, and hear their hearts.

Be present with Me: immerse yourself in My Word, focus while you pray and while you sing worship songs, and don't spend so much time trying to "escape" the life and plans I have for you right now. Enjoy this moment I've given you; it's a present!

A real Christmas

Well, Christmas is almost over. We celebrate with my dad and step-mom tomorrow. Then Christmas 2009 will be one for the books. But what kind of book would it be in? It won't be in the book about picture-perfect Christmases or the one about tragic Christmases. It won't be in the one of dysfunctional family Christmases or the one about idyllic Christmases full of great conversations. It was Christmas, it was nice....

I got some good gifts. My favorite was a scarf that my mom bought me that wasn't on my list. I didn't really give people many ideas for gifts...and I got almost everything I asked for. And I even got some money that I can give to Advent Conspiracy (late). I think I only have one thing I need to return.

My cooking had its highs and lows this year. The two types of treats I made did not turn out like I wanted. And I feel like I really didn't contribute to our extended family stuff enough. They don't ask much...but I hope that isn't because they don't really expect much from me. My dinner for our special little family went really well...even the peppery gravy that Alex liked.

But as I sat with Roger on the couch last night and cried--Cried about my own insecurities and struggles--I looked at my tree. And my tree defined this Christmas:

it's real

It's not fake...it's not "perfect" like people who like fake trees tend to think they are.(don't get me started!) It's got a few holes, it's not completely even, it wasn't grown at a tree farm where it was carefully tended by people....it's just right out of the forest real.

I had a real Christmas.