Relief

God kicked my butt....gave me perspective and forgiveness and love. It was good to see Him answer quickly and in good time for me to resolve my differences with a friend. I love how He answers prayer when we call out for help.

Anger

I don't feel that I am easily angered. Maybe my kids would say differently, but anger that lasts more than a couple of minutes is pretty foreign to me. So now that I'm feeling it, I am not sure how to deal with it.

Well, that's not exactly true, now is it? I know I need to forgive.

But the emotion, though it has subsided, is still strong enough to make me question how to deal with it.

I don't want to excuse it away. I don't want to say, "it's okay" and try to go on like it wasn't a big deal.

But really, was it a big deal? It feels like it but, in the grand scheme of things, probably not.

So, why don't I want to let go of my anger? I need to remember LarryBoy and the Angry Eyebrows....Bok Choy says that letting go of my anger will free me. I wonder if I could find that video and watch it tonight?

The road to forgiveness is a hard road. And how I handle it tomorrow is still something I have no vision for. I've planned my words many times, but none of my plans extend forgiveness. So, I have more praying to do...and *deep breath* I know God will help me say what needs to be said...no more and no less.

Reading in Heaven

So, I've been reading "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn, and I'm finding it challenging to think about Heaven. I've always assumed that I can't imagine what its like, so I don't try. This book is a paradigm shift for me, so I've been pondering life and after life a lot.

I love to read. I could read for days...I read most of the day yesterday, and I love getting caught up in a story. So, in Heaven...the new heavens and new Earth...what will I read? I love fiction...but how would one write fiction without conflict. Stories tend to require some type of conflict..... man v man, man v nature, man v himself....but in a land without sin, where does one find this? There could be easily poetry there...and biography for we will have our memories of this Earth. But can a mind renewed and without sin conceive of stories with conflict?

Marketing works....

So, I have a LOST widget on my page. And those people at ABC are smart....as the Lost season closes, they stuck an ad for another show on the widget. At first I was kind of irritated...this is my LOST widget...but their marketing worked. (The weird part is that this show isn't even on ABC...but it is made by ABC studios)

The show they were advertising was Legend of the Seeker, and the ad was like a 5 minute recap of the season. So, I started watching...and it filled my story void. I may not know how LOST will start next season, but now I have something else to watch.

Legend of the Seeker is based on some books by Terry Goodkind. And I'm already planning a trip to the library to pick up the first book. And I've watched 8 episodes so far this week. So, their little scheme worked. I'm hooked...but the season finale is tonight...so I won't catch up by then. If I had no children, I might try...but then, what would fill my story void?

Only 84 more days til Broncos football!

Depending on Christ

As I plan to travel to China this summer, I know that I will be depending on Christ for every second.

I know this because it will be in the 90-100 degree range with 90% humidity. I'm a Colorado girl....I hate humidity. My husband has said he's glad he's not going because he remembers the first day of our honeymoon and how miserably I acted. I will be depending on Christ to NOT complain.

I know this because I will be away from my kids for 17 days. I have never been away from them for more than 2 days. They will be in capable hands--the grandmas and of course their wonderful dad. But the idea that I will not see them for that long will likely be the most difficult thing I've done as a mom.

And I'm laying it down in Jesus lap. I know He'll help me. And following Him is always worth it.

Dear blog

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you lately. I know you used to enjoy such attention from me, but my new friend Facebook has stolen my affection to some degree. But really, we can all be friends.

I wish I were a writer. I love to write, but I don't do it enough. I am good at writing when I do it, but the drive is not there. This is not to say I won't continue to write. I will work harder to get my thoughts down here...not just in quick status updates.

I love connecting with people most of all....and Facebook just can't have the same depth that you have blog, dear. I'm hoping to be a deeper person, so here's to a summer with more posts.

10 years ago

I was starting my second day as a blue badge at Microsoft. I'd been there for 10 months as a temp, but now I was finally a part of this amazing company. Loyalty was growing in me...but I was still torn. I had told them, "if I get a teaching job, then I'll be leaving". My dream was to teach High School English...and I was even willing....although scared...to teach middle school English. But for now, I was excited to officially be MS. We were on the 2nd floor, and I remember walking back into the office and seeing something strange on Trish's monitor.

And there it was....live video of a typical suburban high school within 10 miles of the office...in the school district I grew up in...fear, tragedy, pain...

I could be there.

Roger and I worked with teens at church, and Roger was interviewing for a job at DCHS that afternoon; I knew very well that I could be there... But I was here in corporate America. Wondering if I should be glad or sad to not be in the midst of those kids. As we met up with our students soon afterwards, it felt great to be with them as the processed, and we cried out to God together. Many came to Christ after Columbine...God used even the horrific to draw people to Himself.

I didn't go to the memorial service...which I regret now. But I prayed often for those kids and those families. And today, I'm praying for my neighbor--he was there that day--that somehow God would penetrate his raging atheism and give him true peace.

Party time, excellent!

Its been a pretty full few months with birthday parties. We've had a miss a few because we have so many going on. Today we are braving the crazy April snow storm for yet another. After this though...it slows down for us until June/July for Mr. Alex.

I've become much more laid back on parties than before, but I did have a moment of stress today as I looked at all that needed to be done. I'm so blessed to have a family that chipped in to help when I get a little crazy. I guess I've realized that this is not life and death here...its a party. I've messed up each party...and I just need to realize, this side of heaven there is no perfect party.

Letting go of perfectionism is hard. Realizing I'm far from getting it right is more and more common, but maybe where I'm at in life is more aware of my failings...and more forgiving??? or maybe just more accepting of God's grace.

So, as we head into the last of Trina's 6 year parties...I know I'll enjoy it more than I did the first one!